Dealing with Disrespect

Are you regularly being disrespected by someone? Do you want to know why? Have a seat.
The content of their heart is being made manifest. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7) They are disrespectful because they are full of disrespect. The overflow or outworking of what is in their heart becomes obvious in conversation, obvious in conduct, and obvious in a continual disregard for your person.
What do you do in a situation like this? Forgive. Forgive them even as God through Christ has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32). (Remembering the ways I have disrespected God helps me to forgive those who disrespect me. Remembering His forgiveness helps me put their trespass in perspective. History says, when I am willing to admit it, I am not better than the person disrespecting me.) Love. Love them in high quality service that is aimed at pleasing God and promoting faith in Christ. Respect. Respect them even if they disrespect you. Do not stoop to their level or take a break from following Jesus on account of their bad behavior. And then, if God allows, respectfully and humbly remove yourself from the situation.
In church history there are examples of people that were mistreated and but still returned kindness. They were disrespected and yet remained undaunted in doing right by their assailants. Here are three of them:
  • Joseph (Genesis 50:20) – He was sold into slavery by his brothers. Later he chose to deal with them through the perspective of his purpose and God’s grace.
  • David (1 Samuel 24:3-7) – The shepherd boy was relentlessly hunted by an insecure leader. Instead of making the most of his enemy’s vulnerable moment, David extends grace based on his reverence for God. Although repeatedly disrespected, David treats Saul with dignity and respect.
  • Stephen (Acts 6-7) – This man is the first recorded martyr of the church. When he is being falsely accused and then executed, he offers forgiveness. Notice that Stephen offers forgiveness not based on perfect apologies but based on the leading of the Spirit of Christ in Him.
Doing right by people who are doing us wrong is important. Showing kindness when people are unkind is part of the calling that is on our lives (1 Peter 3:9; Matthew 5:44). For those of us following Jesus, this is our family heritage and the mind and manner of Christ Himself (Isaiah 53:7; 1 Peter 2:23; Matthew 27:12-14).
In His grip by His grace,
Roderick L. Barnes, Sr.
P.S. Let no one think that the author of this post is above what is being written. My stuff stinks too. There are times when I am the person that has to repent of being disrespectful.

Being Honest with God (Psalm 13)

Stories That Matter – Your Story (Psalm 13)

1 How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having
sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and hear me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes,
Lest I sleep the death;
4 Lest my enemy say,
“I have prevailed against him”;
Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

David’s Pain (Psalm 13:1-2) – Notice the repetition of “how long.” It stands out in the opening verses as the psalmist’s way of expressing his, as yet, unmet hope of relief. He had been living so long in ongoing discomfort that his pain was erupting in a complaint to the Lord. How long, asks David, will I be forgotten, will your face be turned away, and I live forsaken before my enemies?

    • The Pain of Being Forgotten (Psalm 13:1; Exodus 2:24; Genesis 30:22; Genesis 40:14; Judges 16:28; 1 Samuel 1:11) – When David says You forget me he is speaking in a way that his Hebrew readers would recognize as an unfiltered complaint about not receiving practical help. David is not saying that God’s memory is failing. He is being candid in communicating his disappointment in the Divine decision to leave him so long without real help. “How long, O Lord, will you leave me without practical help?”
    • The Pain of Not Being Faced (Psalm 13:1; Psalm 11:7; Psalm 17:5) – David’s chief desire is to be in face-to-face fellowship with God (Psalm 27:4, 8). His heart, summarily speaking, beats to behold God, longs to look at the Lord, and seeks to see Him. When he says You hide Your face from me David is giving vent to his deepest pain – to not have God’s attention. To see God’s face is to have the privilege of looking at the Lord and, most importantly, to have God look back at you – to see you with approving eyes (Leviticus 26:9; Exodus 2:25). “How long, O Lord, will you not take notice of me. How long will you intentionally ignore me?” He feels like God does not notice him in this moment of difficulty.
    • The Pain of Being Forsaken (Psalm 13:2; Psalm 35:19; Psalm 69:4; ) – David is a man on a mission; he lives to lead the people well. This means leading them in wisdom and against adversaries of God and His heritage. Those who hate God hate David, the representative. It is especially comforting to know that God has your back when you are in trouble for being with Him. It is especially painful to not sense His support when suffering for His sake (Psalm 22:1; Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34).

Speaking my complaint about God to persuade others that He is not good is called blasphemy; it is an attempt to (1) dissuade faith in Him, (2) denigrate His character, and (3) aligns me with His enemy the devil (Genesis 3:4-5). Speaking my complain to God is part of my relationship with Him. He already knows my grief; getting it out actually brings alignment between my conversation and my contemplation. When I share my disappointment with God I am operating with integrity.

David’s Prayer (Psalm 13:3-4) – The distress of the shepherd king was not just in feeling forgotten. He was also dealing with the threat of death. His enemies were not content to malign the man of God; they would be satisfied only when they were able to take his life; the reference to the sleep of death is a Hebraism indicating belief in (1) life beyond the grave and (2) resurrection (John 11:11-15; Acts 7:57-60).

David is not against the eventual laying aside of his earthly tent in order to go and be with God. He is concerned that his cause, and by extension the reputation and goals of God, would be harmed if his enemies could say they had prevailed against him. Their rejoicing would not be merely over the defeat of David but at a win in the war against God. Do this for me, O LORD my God, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed against him.” The enemies of David are first and foremost enemies of the LORD; David is hated because he is aligned with God (Psalm 69:9):

9 Because zeal for Your house has eaten me up,
And the reproaches of those who reproach
You have fallen on me. 

The prayer of David is not a self-absorbed request for relief from his enemies; it is not about him. It really is about God. Can I say that about my prayers? That is, am I so aligned with God’s will that my prayers for help are really about help for doing His will? Listen to Jesus!

In this manner, therefore, pray:
Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
10 Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven. (Matthew 6:9-10)

David’s Perspective and Praise (Psalm 13:5-6) – Having cleared the air (Psalm 13:1-2) and called for help (Psalm 13:3-4) the psalmist is able to return to worship. Based on what? He returns to rejoicing and singing to the LORD based on his perspective of God.

    • The Loyal Love of God (hesed) – The character of God is not changing with the times. In His character is His mercy or loyal love (hesed) for his people. Circumstances can make it look like God is distant. However, the truth about who He is should help us to escape the gravity of dark meditations (Psalm 1; Philippians 4:8; 1 Timothy 4:15; Joshua 1:8-9).
    • His Experience with God – David has had a good history with God. In the tribulation of our lives we can forget to remember. We can stop regarding out history of God’s great grace. His present and past goodness is the reason why we can keep singing even when things look bad.

Questions for Reflection

    • In the midst of our issues some of us have felt forgotten? What has caused you to feel forgotten, not faced, or forsaken? Based on Psalm 13:1-2, what can you do with your disappointment in your relationship with God?
    • David’s prayers, on the surface, seem to be about himself. What are his real concerns? (Psalm 13:4; 69:9)
    • The strength to sing and the heart to rejoice are the outworking of our perspective. Looking at my circumstances will make me unstable and sometimes unable have a positive attitude. To steady my heart and promote a positive outlook in the midst of my mess what should I focus on? (Psalm 13:5-6)

Prayer

God, I admit my disappointment with how things have been going. In fact, I confess my frustration with Your handling of some things. Thank you for allowing me to be honest about how I feel and revealing Yourself to be approachable.

Help me to align myself with Your will. And as I deal with the difficulties of today and tomorrow keep pushing me to remember how good You are and how good You have been to me. I commit again to praising you through the storm.

References

Kidner, D. (1973). Psalms 1–72: an introduction and commentary (Vol. 15, p. 94). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

Ross, A. P. (1985). Psalms. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (Vol. 1, pp. 801–802). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.